White Baboon

I think I just figured it out. How to reconcile the conflict between ambition and Buddhism. For a long time, I’ve read about this spirituality. There is a sense that one should allow “flow” to happen. To give and receive. To be a vessel. To end the struggle. Not engage in duality, by fighting the universe, fighting the circumstance, but to follow and embrace it.

And I see the value in this. I do.

But I’m a go-getter. A goal-setter. And I believe this is what makes me successful, passionate and interesting. Purpose. Definition. Decision. I decided to start a business and so I did. I decided to run a marathon and so I did. Those goals and results are primary points of my happiness and fulfillment.

And so, because I am always confused about this, I asked Sinan, the owner of the olive farm, a Buddhist-ish and generally spiritual fellow.

To allow my ambition, desire and decision-making to live harmoniously with my flow, I needn’t diminish either. I simply plant the seed of what I want with intention and specificity. But then allow the path toward my grand vision remain flexible.

I see.

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Here at the olive farm/hippie commune/bed&breakfast where we are volunteering, there is the occassional conversation-killer guest. Someone who likes to rant in the opposite direction of the current. These people often keeps our food circle conversations from being pleasant cultural exchanges.

But last night, Sinan told us when talking about the Yakabag Farm (the G is silent), without reference to anyone in particular, that he has never asked anyone to leave. He knows that not everyone contributes in a positive way and that some people abuse the system. But he accepts each guest as part of the path.

Yes, still, I thought, if it was my house, why would I put up with someone I truly didn’t like—someone who clearly exuded a negative energy? Wouldn’t I let reality take over? But here we go headlong into the practice I just learned. Part of my specific goal in coming here was to engage in cultural exchange at this farm–and meals would be a great time for this. But this challenge is part of my path toward that goal. I must accept that breakfast, lunch and dinner will not be what I expected. And that if social enlightening between two people or a group are meant to be, another, more suitable scenario will surface.Am I trying to make lemonade out of lemons? Yes, desperately. And we’re all out of sugar. Again.

But I’m receiving, I’m receiving. . .I am flexible on the path.